DISCLAIMERS/LEGAL MUMBO-JUMBO: This is an uber of a different sort for me. The characters in this story, both in physical/mental description and names, borrow HEAVILY from the characters (Xena, Gabrielle, Ares, Callisto, Ephiny, Alti)created by the fine folks of RenPic for the show, Xena: Warrior Princess. They are the sole property of RenPic/Universal/Creation, all rights reserved, etc. No copywrite infringement was intended by the writing of this story, it is not meant for sale of any sort, and copies/distribution should be limited strictly to personal/private use. I wrote this in fun, that is all.
LOVE/SEX DISCLAIMER: As always, I stick to PG-13 material here kiddies, so no rip-roarin' orgies (or plain old sex)to be found. However, there is an implied and sometimes acted upon sexual-and-spiritual-in-nature relationship between two consenting adult women depicted in this story. If love gets yer panties inna twist, turn back now, return to the land of "best friends make out all the time, it doesn't mean they're sexually involved" and of quaint denail, take a deep breath and stick your head inna hole in the ground. Consider yourself warned.
VIOLENCE/LANGUAGE DISCLAIMER: As this story is set in the home of a repressed 50's housewife, there really isn't much violence or cursin' in this one (aww, sorry folks). There's a few "hells" and "damns" thrown about, but methinks that's it. Mostly it's just cleverly veiled references and innuendos. As for violence, if the untimely and gruesome death of an innocent tomato bothers you...well, seek help.
STORY PRODUCED OF BOREDOM DISCLAIMER: OK, I am nuts. I am a dork. I started writing this one day while at work when I was absolutely bored out of my skull. Each "chapter" was basically one installment of the story, a single post made to a certain online message board of like-minded dorks. I was encouraged by these like-minded dorks to continue writing after I posted the first part, and so I did...a lot. Hell, it gave me something to do. It is meant as a mere comedy, good for a few grins, and not much more. I thought to myself, "Self? What setting and scenario have ubers not touched on yet?" and self replied, "Repressed housewife Xena in the 1950's". Fearing that it could fast turn into a trashy dime-store novel, I decided to go with it.
The tomato was dead. Very, very mutilated and thouroughly dead. The tall, dark woman pushed an errant strand of her black hair behind an ear and sighed deeply in frustration. Cooking was something housewives were supposed to be able to do...with one hand tied behind their back. She, on the other hand, could throw a tomato into the air and then skewer it to the far wall with a large butcher knife...with one hand tied behind her back...but for the life of her, could not cook.
Focusing her intensely blue eyes on the defiled vegetable/fruit, the woman decided to at least give it a proper burial. Carefully scooping up all of its remainders, she brought them to the sink and then tossed them into the garbage disposal unit. Handy device, she mused, that her husband had simply insisted they have installed. Any new, top-of-the-line gadget was sure to capture her husbands attention. She glanced over at the little calender that hung on the wall, the one with pictures of happy homemaking women merrily cleaning the house, cooking food, and playing with children. She hated it, really, but it did keep the date. Friday, June 22, 1956. Almost the weekend. She smiled at the thought. Her circle of friends from the neighborhood always met for cards and conversation on Friday nights. Even more exciting this time around was that her friend, Effy, was bringing someone new. A woman who had moved in next door to her and was just getting to know people. Now if she could just cook a decent meal for her husband and get to preparing some snacks for the gathering.
"Hi honey, I'm home!" the cheery shout came from the front as she heard the sound of the door closing.
"I'm in here, dear," she called back. A tall man, dark featured and well-built, came strolling into the kitchen, his brown eyes a little red from an apparently long day at work. She reached up and stroked his finely cut goatee with long, tapered fingers and gave him a quick kiss. "How was work today?"
"Tough. We're in the middle of a hostile takeover," he said with a grin that betrayed how much he really did enjoy his work. "The company we're merging with tried to hold out, but we showed 'em who's boss."
"I'm glad to hear it," she purred into his ear, causing a visible shudder in the man's body. Her husband was the CEO of a powerful law firm that he had started years ago. They were notorious for smoking the competition, eating them for breakfast, and then buying them out in the morning. Frankly, it turned both of them on when he made a new conquest.
"You OK with takeout? I had some...trouble...with dinner tonight."
"More hapless food stuffs meet their end at your hands?" he inquired, raising a sleek eyebrow at her.
"Afraid so," she sighed and lowered her head. He looked up and noticed the knife still stuck in the wall.
"But you sure have a mean knife toss," he growled happily. "Besides, what I'm hungry for isn't something you can order take-out for." And with that, they proceeded to make wild, passionate, unhousewife-like sex on the countertop.
When they had both finished their respective business, they quickly redressed and went about their evening habits.
"Xena, be a dear and bring me a beer?" the man called to the woman in question from his position in the lazyboy and in front of the TV. Severly disliking being ordered around but having had the 'women are for keeping house' doctrine drilled into her brain for as long as she could remember, Xena grumbled softly but complied and brought her husband a cold, frosty-one.
"Don't look so enthusiastic," he said upon noticing the dour look on his wife's face. "The least you can do is bring me a drink at the end of a long day spent winning the bread. You owe me, anyway. Don't forget that I was the one who found you, took you in, and made you what you are today."
"You 'found' me threatening a football player from an opposing team who had knocked out my brother in a tackle...and unfair tackle...at the Homecoming game my senior year. How do I owe you for that?" Xena retorted.
"If I hadn't given you that cleet, you wouldn't have had anything to have bashed his face in with. And then I did marry you, making you the wife of the most powerful man in the state...next to the governor, of course."
She snorted in laughter and shook her head. "Ares, you are such a bastard sometimes."
"Yes, but that's why you love me," he shot back, then turned his attention on the television again. She walked back into the kitchen and made a phone call to a nearby Chinese takeout resteraunt. Did she love him? Sure, what woman in her right mind wouldn't love a tall, hunky, muscle-bound and powerful CEO with violent take-over tendancies. OK, so maybe she didn't love him in-so-much as she just was really intruiged by the man, but that was start, right? Besides, no one else had really been interested in the tall, dark, and sometimes tempestuous girl she had been...and still was. It wasn't 'becoming of a lady'--but then she couldn't very well get away with being unmarried, especially since she was already twenty-three. People would talk.
An hour later the doorbell rang, announcing the start of the ladies' card-playing night. Xena answered the door, brightly greeting each one of her friends as they marched through the entrance.
"Callisandra! Good of you to come. My, Altina, that's a lovely new eyeliner you're using. Effy, hello, I see you've brought our new neighbor!" Oh and she certainly had. Xena's eyes were immediately transfixed on the short, blonde-haired woman standing next to Effy. Her hair was well-coiffed in a bouffant style, eyes a deep shade of green, and when she smiled in greeting at Xena, tiny creases appeared around her eyes that just made her even cuter than she already was.
"Pleased to meet you, Xena, Effy has told me all about you. I'm Gabriella."
"Welcome to my home, Gabriella," the name rolled off her tounge like wine. "I do hope Effy has only been telling only the good stories. Come in, come in!"
The little blonde smiled endearingly up at Xena, some unspoken thing waiting just behind her expressive eyes, and the dark-haired woman neary choked at the intensity when their eyes locked. Finally, Gabriella walked into Xena's house, allowing her hostess to close the door behind them all.
Chapter 2..."Poker? I Hardly Know Her!"
Xena spared a fleeting glance to her husband, who was still reclining in the easy chair with attention fully on the flickering television screen. The dark-haired woman turned back to her guests, one of which was busy dealing out the cards for their game of poker.
"Poker?" Gabriella asked a touch skeptically. "And here I thought all suburban housewives played more sedate games like gin or bridge. I've underestimated you all."
"We used to play those until Xena here suggested something, like you put it, less 'sedate'. We've been playing poker ever since," Altina informed the blonde seated next to her. Gabriella turned her deep green gaze on the taller woman across from the table.
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," she said, a rakish grin spread across her lips. Xena was somehow transfixed by those very lips--she was staring. Upon realizing this, however, she blushed slightly and desperately tried to focus back on the game at hand.
"Tonight," Callisandra piped up. "Tonight I'm finally going to beat you, Xena. I will simply destroy you at this game."
"You always say that," Xena shot back playfully. "And you never do beat me."
"This time is different," the platinum blonde growled out over the tops of the cards she now held possessively in her grip. Her chocolate eyes glared at Xena with competitive fire burning in them.
"Certainly getting worked up a lot for a card game, Callisandra," Gabriella observed. The other blonde shot a look at her briefly before shifting her view back to that of Xena.
"She's just upset because before Xe moved into the neighborhood, she was the reigning champion of card games," Effy added and pointed one finger at the brooding Callisandra. "Then, all of the sudden, she can't win a single game against our tall friend here."
Xena chuckled ruefully and examined her hand. Oh, Cally wouldn't be pleased with the way things were looking to turn out.
"Pretty cut-throat of you all," Gabriella suggested as she sorted through her own cards.
"Well, I suppose even us women need our time to let off steam," Altina added. Gabriella smiled knowingly, a mischievous glint to her eye that only Xena seemed to notice. The dark-haired woman was intrigued by this newcomer. There was something so familiar about her...and something...forbidden.
Xena mentally slapped herself at the notion. "You've been reading too many of those trashy romance novels. Cut it out," she scolded herself silently.
"All right ladies, lay out your hands."
Each woman spread their cards out on the table before them. Xena grinned as she laid hers down and proclaimed, "Full house." There was a round of groans, but then Gabriella cleared her throat and put her hand on the table accompanied by the smug declaration that she had a straight flush. Xena was shocked. Callisandra groaned even louder.
"Great. Now I have two opponents to smite."
"Settle down, Cally, at least someone beat Xena for once," Altina said out of the side of her mouth. Xena raised a smooth black eyebrow at them all.
As Effy shuffle the deck again, Xena decided to try out some small talk.
"So, Gabriella, where did you move to our happy little neighborhood from?"
"New York City," the little blonde replied nonchalantly. Xena was even more intrigued.
"Really?" she continued. "And why did you decide to come here?"
"I ran out of...challenges...in New York. I have a cousin who lives here who suggested it to me, so I came," Gabriella finished with what Xena could have sworn was a ghost of wink at her.
"And how do you like it so far?"
"Oh, it's really lovely. I think I will be very...challenged...here," she answered, staring directly at Xena, who nearly choked for some reason. It was, she noticed, very difficult to look the woman in the eye without either choking or blushing severely. She didn't know why. Nervously, she glanced back at her husband again, who by now had simply fallen asleep in the chair and was snoring softly.
"And your husband, what does he do?" Xena blurted out, realizing that she was assuming that this woman was married. Well, why wouldn't she be? It wasn't proper for a woman to run about the country at that age unmarried. Best to settle down as soon as one could, right?
"He's a businessman, works internationally so he's hardly ever home."
There was a round of sympathetic noises issued from the other ladies at the table, most of whose husbands were also home so little that their children assumed them to be just another pesky salesman come around to bother their mom about buying a new vacuum cleaner or something.
At the very moment that Xena was processing the exact inflection that Gabriella had used when saying 'hardly ever home' (it had been said in a very suggestive manner), she felt something at her foot. There were no pets in the house, so that possibility was right out. She'd had a pet cat once, named Argo, but her husband had forced her to let it go (or rather, abandon it) when they were first married because he was allergic to them. She missed that cat.
But as for this thing that was slowly rubbing itself up and down her ankle and leg, Xena was at a loss. It did feel quite nice though, just a tad bit disconcerting. When she looked up from her cards and found Gabriella's intense stare pinning her, though, Xena suddenly knew what it was. A foot. And not just any old disembodied foot, oh no, this one was attached to the little green-eyed blonde sitting across the table from her.
Xena tried desperately to pretend she wasn't noticing the caresses, forcing herself not to squirm in the chair or make any odd facial expressions.
The card game progressed, the only two people winning at all being Xena and Gabriella, and the other players were growing more and more politely cross at every defeat. Callisandra was fuming and finally, after the umpteenth loss to either Gabriella or Xena, she slammed her cards down and stood up in a huff.
"That's it, I quit. I simply cannot handle losing one more game, and besides, Theo should be home from working the late shift soon and he'll want his dinner."
"Of course, of course. Thank you for coming tonight, Cally. See you tomorrow at Betty's Tupperware party?" Altina inquired after her quickly exiting friend.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Callisandra replied before bidding the rest of the women a good night, grumbling the words to Xena, and then leaving. Effy sighed and glanced at the clock on the wall.
"It is about time to quit for the night," she said. The remaining group nodded their heads in agreement. Everyone stood and made their way to the door.
"Good to see you again, Effy. Be sure to say hi to your husband for me, OK?" Xena asked.
"Most certainly. Philip will be most glad to hear from you."
"You really must tell me who your makeup provider is," the dark-haired woman addressed the next person to leave. Altina smiled and nodded.
"I will, I will. She truly is wonderful, you'll love her makeup!" the woman answered brightly in her strangely low and raspy voice before making her way out of the house as well. Xena waved to them as they left, shut the door and turned back to face the inside of her home--only to find a patiently waiting Gabriella standing behind her.
"Oh! You nearly scared me half to death!" Xena declared a touch melodramatically. The blonde smiled endearingly and moved back towards the card table.
"I would never do that. Mind if I stay a little while longer? I'd like to get a chance to get to know you better."
Xena couldn't decide if she should choke or blush. Right now both seemed appropriate for what she was feeling. She concentrated hard on the cards left scattered on the table, which had suddenly become extremely interesting.
"Of course. You being new and all, I'd like to get to know you a little better as well," she cleared her throat and went on. "Coffee?"
Chapter 3, "You Know What They Say About Idle Hands"
The murky black liquid swirled lethargically in the cup held clasped in one slightly shaking hand. Would she take it black, or perhaps with cream and sugar? She was certainly not one of those women whose coffee drinking habits were easily discerned.
Xena popped her head out of the kitchen and addressed the woman in question, who was seated at the card table, absentmindedly playing with the Queen of Hearts card.
"You take anything in your coffee?" the dark-haired woman asked.
"One cream, one sugar, thanks," came the reply. Xena smiled uneasily and ducked back into the kitchen to add the said ingredients to one of the mugs of coffee. She would be drinking hers black this evening. Taking one cup in each hand, she made her way back out to sit across the table from the blonde-haired woman. They each took their time sipping at the hot liquid, neither one making any attempt to speak quite yet. Finally, after another awkward moment had passed, Gabriella smiled and started a conversation.
"So, what does your husband do?"
"Ares is the CEO for a law firm here in town. They're very big," she replied, a cheery note in her voice that she didn¡¯t entirely feel at the moment. Something about the way this woman looked at her was...unnerving.
"Interesting. Is he good in bed?"
The coffee Xena had just been sipping nearly shot out of her nose and across the room. She choked and sputtered on the liquid, trying desperately to regain the ability to breathe as Gabriella just sat and watched her with an amused expression on her face, seemingly still waiting for an answer. The dark-haired woman wiped some of the liquid from her chin and took a deep breath before shooting a cross look across the table.
"That's a rather personal question."
"Yes, I apologize," Gabriella agreed. "That was a little too straight-forward of me."
Must be one of those big city things, Xena mused.
"Allow me to rephrase the question," the blonde continued. "Does he make you happy?"
Xena's brow furrowed in thought, her blue eyes flicking over to the sight of her husband snoozing in the chair. There was a bit of drool slipping out of one side of his mouth.
"He makes me...happy," she said, a touch unsure of herself. Gabriella picked up on the uncertainty and grinned slightly.
"But?" she prodded.
"But what?" Xena countered defensively. "I'm married to him, aren't I?"
"Yes, but I've noticed that a lot of women these days get married just because they think they ought to. They don't do it for love in-so-much as they do it for convention."
"Are YOU happy in your marriage?" Xena shot back. Gabriella paused at that, taking a minute to consider.
"Sometimes. Peter's a good man, he means well, but I guess you've got me there. I'm not really in love with him. But we work well together. We're good friends. In the end," here she paused, a mischievous glint in her green eyes. "It works out quite well for the both of us."
"How do you mean?"
"That would be a bit of a personal question," the blonde replied smugly. Xena looked down at her hands a touch sheepishly. This conversation wasn't getting them anywhere. Well, anywhere good, anyway.
"I'm sorry, I--" she began but Gabriella cut her off and placed a hand over one of Xena's.
"Don't be. I started it anyway. Let's move on, shall we?"
Xena didn't look at the hand that rested on her own, she just concentrated hard on the table before her. She was a little undone by the pleasant feelings the contact gave her, the warmth of that touch.
Before she could reply, however, Ares began to shift in his seat and wake up. He blinked and stretched himself awake and sat up. Upon noticing the other woman seated with his wife, a dark eyebrow rose in question and he along with it.
"Who do we have here?" he asked, moving to stand behind Xena.
"Oh!" the dark-haired woman exclaimed, caught a bit off guard by her husband's sudden presence at her back. "This is Gabriella, she's new to the neighborhood."
"Good to meet you," Gabriella said and extended her hand, the one that had been resting on Xena's, and Ares shook it wearily.
"Welcome to the neighborhood, Gabriella," Ares replied, his voice a low rumble. Xena knew that rumble well. She sighed and waited for the command to follow him into the other room for a moment. "May I speak with you in the other room for a moment, Xena?" he finished. She excused herself from the table and followed her husband into the kitchen.
"What is it?" she asked defensively. He pursed his lips and let his eyes roam from the bottom of her body to the top.
"I don't like her."
"What?" she asked, completely surprised.
"I said I don't like her. Something's not right with that woman and I don't think you should see her again."
"But Ares, you've barely said five words to her!"
"I don't care!" he declared, voice rising in volume so that Xena had to shoosh him to keep the disagreement from reaching Gabriella's ears. "I'm going up to bed and I expect you to be up there within the next hour. That gives you time to politely ask her to leave, clean the house up, and then come upstairs."
"But Ares--"
"No buts! Just do as I say!" he growled and then before she could voice another protest, he walked out of the kitchen and then up the stairs. Xena slowly made her way back out to her guest, who was staring at her bemusedly.
"Anything the matter?" she asked quietly. The dark-haired woman sat back down in her seat with a long sigh and shook her head a little.
"He just...no...nothing's the matter. It is getting late though, perhaps you need to be getting home?"
"It's not so late, and we still have a lot of getting-to-know each other left to do," Gabriella replied as she reached across the table and placed her hand back atop Xena's, a cheeky smile stretching across her face. Xena gulped in pure reflex.
Chapter 4..."The Mice Will Play"
"I really think you ought to be going," Xena offered impatiently. The blonde woman seated across the table from her just continued grinning from ear to ear.
"He asked you to make me go, right?"
"I...uh..." Xena muttered sheepishly, her face growing warm. She swallowed again and tried to get a hold on her somewhat tattered composure. "Well he just wants me to get enough rest is all, and it is late so--"
"A bit controlling of him, wouldn't you say so?" Gabriella cut her off. The dark-haired woman froze for a moment, caught off guard but considering the question.
"He is the man of the house," she said meekly to which Gabriella snorted indignantly.
"Please, Xena, you're better than that. Certainly you don't buy into the 'men are the breadwinners and therefor get to control the lives of their wives' crap, do you?"
"Well, I--" the housewife began, exasperated. Gabriella held up a hand and went on.
"No, really Xena. You are better than that and you know it just as well as I do. I can see it in your eyes. You hate living like this. You hate the standards of today that force women into submissive roles, that don't allow us to be who we really are!"
A silence passed then, nothing but the ticking of the clock filling the space, as Xena mulled this all over in her head while Gabriella watched her intently, green eyes blazing.
"I guess I do hate it, but what am I supposed to do?" Xena finally said quietly, head lowered in resignation. Gabriella squeezed her hand a little reassuringly and smiled warmly.
"I have a few ideas," she replied with a wink. Xena felt her face go completely hot.
"I don't understand," the dark-haired woman went on. "Why me? Why single me out to tell me all this? You met Effy first."
"I couldn't help it, I was...drawn...to you."
"Drawn?" Xena gulped.
"Yeah, the minute I walked in that door and saw you, I just knew that..." here Gabriella even seemed at a loss for once. "...that I had to know you? That you were the one."
For a moment, Xena lost herself in the green gaze that had locked onto her own. But then, shaking herself free of the spell, she stood up abruptly and held her hands up.
"This is crazy. This is absolutely crazy," Xena stated. Gabriella remained seated and stared up at the addled woman.
"Yes, it is. But crazy or no, it's the truth. I can't help that, and neither can you."
"You're sick," Xena countered and immediately felt terrible for saying it. The blonde took a sharp breath and looked down at her own hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't--"
"No, it's OK. It's not like I haven't heard it before," Gabriella said softly.
"It's not OK," Xena went on, learning forward slightly. "I shouldn't have said it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if anyone else has said it too. I'm just...I don't know what to make of all this...of you," she finished with a sigh.
"Then you feel it too?" Gabriella asked hopefully. The taller woman glanced around the room uncomfortably before returning her gaze to the blonde in front of her.
"Yeah."
One of Gabriella's trade-marked rakish grins spread across her face at that and she stood up to walk around the table and come to stand directly in front of Xena.
"There's one thing I think you skipped over when you read your Housewife Manual," Gabriella started, a slow drawl in her voice.
"What's that?" Xena said breathily, the close proximity of the other woman having a strange affect on her.
"The part about what housewives do when their husbands are away all the time, or at least not in the immediate area...besides drinking, that is."
"Really? And what would that be?" Xena asked, a smooth black eyebrow rising in question. Her voice, the other woman noticed, had taken on a seductively low growl.
"You know what they say about 'When the cat's away'...?"
And with that, Gabriella leaned forward, effectively closing the remaining distance between them, and placed a long and heated kiss on the dark-haired woman's lips. Xena was so lost in the sudden embrace, in how completely wonderful it felt, that she forgot to open her eyes when Gabriella finally pulled away for breath. It never felt like that when Ares kissed her....
"Xena?" Gabriella spoke, a touch amused by the dreamy look on said woman's face.
"Oh...uh...something about mice, right?" Xena said, not completely aware of what was going on anymore. Gabriella just laughed.