The “Sex” Dialogue
written by Emily, Sam, Beth and Michelle
For Logic class, April of 2001
A Socratic Dialogue Attempting to Define "Sex"



Characters and setting: Dick (m), Jane (f), and Zeno (m) are sitting in their favorite coffee shop, having some drinks and discussing world issues.

Dick: I got laaaaid last night!

Jane: I didn’t know you got paid yesterday.

Dick: Paid? I said laaaaid. Can you hear?

Zeno: (the voice of reason) Dick, I believe she was insulting you by implying that you have to pay for sex.

Dick: Hey! (lightly hits Jane’s shoulder)

Jane: Dork. (sips her mocha, comes up with a creamy moustache)

D: Heh, nice, the Monica Lewinsky look, very attractive. And you make fun of me.

J: (annoyed) She wasn’t involved in anything like that. There was no sex, just cigar fondling.

D: Cigar or no cigar, with beret or without beret, there was sex.

J: Oral sex is not sex.

Z: Oh really?

D: Yeah really. Sex is the whole girl/guy, naked, top/bottom, bottom/top, bump n’ grind and get funky thang.

Z: So it’s just this purely physical thing?

D: Yeah, that’s it.

Z: Well, one must consider other possible definitions. Sex can be gender, as in male/female-the physical description. Then there are gender roles, like masculine and feminine and androgynous. Of course, one mustn’t forget sex as the physical act, be it with one, two, or three or more people of a variety of sexual preferences.

D: My head hurts.

J: That’s what you get when you have to pay for sex.

Z: Now, come on, let’s get back to defining sex.

D: It’s an expression physical attraction.

J: What if some woman doesn’t want to share in your physical expression?

D: Then she’s missing out on the experience of a lifetime. (Jane rolls her eyes)

Z: I think what Jane is saying, Dick, is can sex just be your narrow definition?

D: No, I know where you’re going with this. Of course I would never force myself on someone…but if you are both willing and it’s consensual, it can be a beautiful and emotional thing.

Z: Does the act create the emotion, or does the emotion create the act?

D: Uh…

J: Both. It depends on the people involved.

Z: How so?

J: Some people think the need sex to fall in love or to be closer with their partner, but for others sex is what results from the culmination of already being close and in love with one another. (looks at Dick) And some people are just in love with sex.

D: What’s not to love?

Z: So we know why people have sex, but still, how do we define sex?

J: Sex can be gender or the act.

Z: Let’s focus on gender then.

D: No! Let’s talk about the act!

J: Dick, we realize that you’re excited about finally losing your virginity last night, but focus.

Z: We’ll talk about the act later. So, gender, how do we define it?

J: I think it’s whether you are male or female.

D: What about chicks with dicks?

Z: (before Jane can smack Dick) Actually, your colorful language aside, you raise a good question. (Dick gives Jane a smug look)

J: (recovering) Society is what forces these roles and definitions on us. According to the dictionary definitions, male and female is determined by your genitalia, but why do we feel more comfortable being able to label and categorize people like that?

D: Hey, when I go on a date, I don’t want it to turn into “The Crying Game” on me, so I like to know for sure.

Z: (ignoring Dick) So, are you saying that there’s a bigger picture involved with sex as gender?

D: Yeah! We need to talk about doin’ it!

J: All right, calm down Beavis, let’s talk about “doin’ it” then.

Z: What is it?

D: Uh, like, stickin’ it in.

Z: What is penetration though? (Dick giggles)

J: Penetration can be physical and/or emotional.

Z: Elaborate on that. It brings up some potentially interesting points.

J: Physical on it’s own can be consensual or non-consensual. It’s just the raw act. But when you bring in the emotional side to it, say when two people are in love, then that brings it to a whole new level.

Z: Yes, but is there not an emotional aspect to non-consensual sex? Not love, obviously, but definitely some sort of negative emotions.

J: I guess so. Rape is about violence, power and control. It’s totally negative. With consensual sex, it can be about love, lust, or happiness-or all of those together. Regardless of gender, consensual sex involves the positive emotions.

D: Enough with the deep stuff. Can spanking the monkey be considered sex?

J: Well gee, Dick, you’re the expert on masturbation, you tell us.

D: That’s strictly between me and Victoria, and it’s a Secret. (Jane groans)

Z: Since masturbation is an individual act, would you say that sex is something between two or more people?

J: I think so.

D: An individual act? But what about Rosy Palm and her Five Sisters? (Jane shoots him a look) But I agree. Spanking it is more like oiling the machine. Ya know, keeping things ship shape during those times when you’re not getting any.

J: Dick, you always have such nice ways of putting things.

D: (wiggling eyebrows) You interested in a first-hand experience with how well I put things? (Jane hits him) Ow! Hey!

Z: OK, OK. So, we still haven’t defined sex.

J: Well, Dick seems to think that sex is just two people-man and woman.

D: I meant…good sex is man/woman. Great sex is man/woman/woman.

Z: Sex can’t be just man/man? Or woman/woman?

D: It can be woman/woman as long as I get to watch. But man/man, that’s not sex, it’s sick.

J: Look Dick, I know this is a hard concept for you to wrap your peanut-sized brain around-whether the couple is male/female, male/male, or female/female, it all encompasses emotions, love, physical expression-and that is sex.

Z: Yes, think big Dick-open your mind to all the possibilities of sex.

D: All I know is that I like sex, no matter which definition we are talking about.

J: No shit.

Z: Hey, let’s decide on our definition, team.

D: Hey, I say if there’s grass on the field, play ball! (Jane hits him again)

J: I think sex is intercourse between two or more people. It may or may not involve love, but at least involves some lust. It can be between hetero and homosexual couples.

D: (throws hands up in defeat) Gah, all right. I’ll agree.

Z: OK, so we’ve considered many possible ways of defining sex. We’ve surely decided what all it involves, but we have not yet come to an essential definition of sex.

J: SO we’ve basically gone in circles here. We haven’t found what the actual essence of sex is.

D: I’ll give ya a hint; it’s in my pants.

Z: (ignoring Dick) So we’ve decided that sex can be the gender or the physical act. That is can be between man/woman, man/man, and woman/woman. It can be purely for pleasure, reproductive purposes, or as a physical expression of a deeper emotional love-or all of these things. We’ve said that masturbation does not count as sex, so therefor sex is between two or more people. So all of these things are good, but are just what sex involves, not what it is. Do we agree then that there is no one sentence that could wrap up exactly what the definition of sex is?

J: I think so. It’s always changing, as are peoples’ perspectives on what sex is. So it’d be near impossible to officially define it so simply. (Dick starts to nonchalantly get up from table)

Z + J: Where’re you going?

D: Uh…gotta run. Something, um…something suddenly came up. (dashes out of room)
(Zeno and Jane look at each other, sigh, then start laughing)

Fin.

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